In this day and age, where women often have to prove they can do everything a man can do, there is also pressure on men when it comes to caring for a baby. There is a growing movement within feminism that recognises a woman’s unique role in caring for a baby while at the same time making plenty of room for the father to become involved and take responsibility as well. Crucially, he is seen as a father, not as a pseudo mother.

The old fashioned model is of course that the mother does it all, with little involvement from the father. The opposite extreme is where the mother’s role is pretty much undermined and anything she can do, the father can do. This middle ground mentality understands that babies need both their mothers and fathers for the very different things they bring. When a mother is breastfeeding, fathers can feel like there is little for them to do, yet this is simply not the case.

Fathers are different. They feel different. They have different voices and a different smell. They also move and hold a baby differently. Babies are often drawn to this change of scenery and dads can often step in and provide relief for a mother at the end of a long day. Fathers are also fun. They have a way of playing with babies that is special and they tend to push the boundaries a bit and do things that the mother wouldn’t think of or would possibly be cautious of and that can be good and healthy. (Fathers may also enjoy the baby’s toys just as much as the baby.)

Dads can comfort too. Their strong arms can hold a baby with a sore tummy in a way that puts just the right amount of pressure on it to alleviate wind. Dads can also wear the baby in a sling or baby carrier for a walk around the park, which is another great way to give the mother a break and spend some time bonding.

If the mother is breastfeeding, there are several bonuses for the dad involved. They can rest assured that their babies are getting the best possible nutrition. They don’t have to get up and prepare bottles in the night. The nappies don’t smell that bad and there is less to take with you when you go out and about. Dads shouldn’t worry if they find that they don’t get to hold the baby for a long time in the early days, as babies tend to nurse very often. A baby’s bond with the mother is the basis for all other relationships, so encouraging the closeness with mum will strengthen the love for you later.

Here are some ways fathers can encourage that bond and help the mother as she recovers from the birth.

  1. Support the mother-baby bonding
  2. Make the most of your paternity leave, taking as long as you can afford or manage
  3. Look after the house and keep it from turning into chaos. This will help the mother to relax and not worry
  4. Guard against too many visitors which can be exhausting and interfere with bonding
  5. Look after any other children
  6. Protect your partner from unhelpful advice
  7. Seek skilled help if your partner is struggling with breastfeeding. Often she won’t feel she can make the phone call, but you can
  8. Respect your partner’s instincts. It can be easy to label her ‘hormonal’ in the early days, but listen to her
  9. Admire and praise the baby’s mother. She is doing an incredible job and needs encouragement
  10. Meet your baby’s needs. Your baby needs you to be a dad, not a substitute mother.

Dads are special. They are unique. Be encouraged as a dad that you have a role to play. It takes guts and thick skin at times, but you can do it. It can be instinctive to just come in and take over, but always seek to do what will empower the mother to be a mother and that will help you to be a dad.